Blisters and Gay Tour Guides

Day two started with a very early jaunt to the Apple store to retrieve my 'special' iPad2 from the very special specialist called Emilia (yes Paul she was very fit, and no doubt you would hang out of the back of it, knowing you).

We then hot-footed it to our OnBoard tour bus pick up, to meet our New York Jon Inman with his very gay red umbrella and interest in all things fashiony and Steel. It was a great tour and we got a snapshot of the whole city including a boat across to the Statue of Liberty. After soaking up the atmosphere and seeing the Brooklyn Bridge close up, my darling wife summarised the spectacle perfectly 'I can see now why Miranda had such a big issue with moving across to Brooklyn in SATC'. Such cultural insight I think you'll agree.

After the tour we wandered around the extremely garish Times Square and then after a quick change walked down Broadway to our posh restaurant. after eating scrumptious fine dining fare we walked the hour back to our hotel admiring the madness of Times Square with full size minis on billboards. It's so bright at night that even a blind one such as I can see.

We collapsed and woke early again on our actual anniversary. 10 years. Quite a feat and one we celebrated in the best possible way.

Surprising her indoors is never easy, in fact pretty impossible. If she gets a sniff of something dodgy them she's like an annoying 5yr old who won't stop bugging you till you let on. But amazingly I managed to keep the big surprise of the helicopter trip a secret till we were literally five minutes away.

It was an amazing experience and definitely something to store in my brain box as very special days, which also includes our wedding day (well she is going to be reading this) and the day I discovered if I pull my pee pee a lot it makes me feel kinda special funny in a good way.

After this we took a blister busting 'stroll' up through the financial district, to the World Trade area and then across Brooklyn Bridge. We ate at Grimaldi's Pizzeria, heralded as having the best pizzas in the whole state.. And I can honestly say it was the best pizza I've ever had in my life. Quite magnificent.

After this gastric phenomenon we decided to get the subway back uptown to Grand Central, such am iconic and beautiful place. I felt like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible, except I didn't have my fabulous melting face disguises, which I'd lent to Worzel Gummidge.

And now I sit relaxing in a Fifth Avenue store nursing my sore tootsies whilst the misses starts to shop till she drops.

Concrete Jungle...

In the city that never sleeps it's now 8:50pm and The Wife is snoring next to me in our luxurious extra comfortable Queen bed. I'm not far behind, it has been a he'll of a day.
But we made it. The Mazin's are in NYC.

It all started at 7am when our friendly reliable cabbie Steve picked us up to Heathrow. FF 90 minutes we arrive at Terminal 3, and at check-in The Dilemma was offered.

'We have an over-booked flight, if you don't mind taking the later flight to NY at 5pm we will give you 2 free return tickets to anywhere in the world, to be used in the next 18 months.'

So naturally when put on the spot we turned them down. You may think we were mad, but having spent a further 2 hours at Terminal 3, the thought of spending an extra 6 hours there was not worth any free flight. Its not called Terminal for nothing you know. It's where Unicorns go to die.

So we got a free upgraded seat with extra legroom and danced merrily through to the departure gate, which is just a herding pen for humans. But I discovered that I have the magic Staff of Ultimate Power... Well my white stick, which so far has proved exceptionally useful when getting ahead of able bodied norms, particularly when I use this with my rather excellent Joey impression and do some convincing shoulder munching. It's amazing what you can get when people think you're a 'Special'.

The flight was smooth and very enjoyable, despite being over 7 hours. For travellers used to flying via FlyLo it was a new experience for us not to be spat on or rudely shoved into a space no human should really fit. I enjoyed the food, there's something about airline food. Maybe it's just the way you have to unwrap it from tinfoil, but it's just so lovely eating your lunch 3 miles in the air the novelty is yet to wear off.

In-flight entertainment although brilliant, I managed to watch 30 minutes of 2 dire films - step forward Morning Glory and Hereafter. Instead I watched 2 episodes of the rather brilliant The Trip with Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon. I was snorting with laughter. Marvellous.

Security at JFK was horrific, until an angel from security spotted my SoUP and dragged me and The Wife to the front of the queue. Sorry norms- who's Special now eh? Oh still me.

Then after a quick luggage pick-up and more security (I think it's time we told those Yanks that there's no point trying to close that stable door when those horses bolted 10 years ago) we got in a cab and met our driver. Or rather The World's Grumpiest Yellow Cab Driver (TM). Just what you need after hours and hours of travelling is another painful journey with a grumpy bugger, but by this point I just didn't care anymore.

After driving for more than 45 minutes through what looked like the North Circular with US road signs, we went through a tunnel and arrived in Manhattan.

Even though it was sleeting it still looked fantastic. We arrived at our hotel, and I got called Sir 3 times in the first 5 minutes with no air of sarcasm whatsoever. After a quick trip out to the Westway Diner for some dinner we tredged through the now settled snow and ice back to our hotel, for a well deserved night of sleep whilst everyone else can stay up in this snowstorm!

To be continued......

P.s due to an unknown technical hitch photos are not appearing in this blog so will be posted direct on FB