Did you Smash It?

I don't know about you - but I can't bear Female People, or Fat People, White People, Black People, Yellow People, Pink People, Small People, Large People, Annoying People, Kind People, Jealous People, Inane People.. the list goes on. In fact I can't bear ANYONE. 

So sack me. Gary - you're fired for being Peoplist. OK Gary, thanks. I'd like to apologise to all the people I've offended. Although I hate you all, I'm actually nice to your face. 

As we go along in life, our natural instinct is to be wary of others, we are just animals really. 

Spot the odd one in

Seriously though, it's all very very silly isn't it. As a 30 something I grew up in the 70s and 80s a time when Mind Your Language was one of the biggest and best shows on television. For those uninitiated with this 'sit-com' it basically consisted of every racial stereotype imaginable sitting in a room having the piss taken out of them, for all of us to laugh at. Also Jim Davidson was one of the 'funniest' comedians on the box, and of course it was more common for women to be called 'love' and 'pet'. The biggest TV quiz show of the time was the classic Bullseye, never a more misogynistic show would be seen in our lifetime. So after being impregnated with such racially dodgy views for so many years, is it any wonder that there's so many Daily Mail readers today? 

Accordingly, my hatred of people runs deep and Andy Gray and Richard 'Manimal' Keys fall into the category of abhorrent small-minded, dysfunctional grunts that I particularly detest. Yet I for one was heartily dismayed that they've been fired/forced out. I mean their personal views had no bearing on what they do in their day to day job, which is talking to men about other men moving a spherical orb around a large area covered in grass, trying to make sure the orb lands between two sticks, and being able to do this more times than the other men in the allotted time-frame earlier agreed upon. 

Women ARE the better species. It's a FACT. They are better at everything that men can do. They've proved it time and time again. I'm an excellent single tasker. I can do one thing at a time pretty well. I'm managing to type this blog quite fast. Now I've stopped to drink my tea. .... Now I've stopped drinking my tea, I can carry on.... Sorry phone rang. Back again. 
But I watch my other half in disbelief as she cradles the phone between her neck having a deep conversation whilst cleaning the kitchen, making dinner, sending an email, arranging her birthday list, surfing the internet and gobbling me off.

How does she do it? 

Simply because she's much better than me at pretty much everything. 
So it's understandable that us Men cling on to football. It's one of the last things that Men still do better than Women. Women can't play football. That's a fact. Anyone who's ever watched a women's football match will know. So please let us have this. Don't take this away from us. 

Thousands and thousands of men abandon their wives, children and families for 90 minutes on a Saturday to spend time with other men, talking about how good their team is in playing with the aforementioned spherical orb. It's not big, it's not clever, but it is still one of the few places where Men can feel superior to Women. I know there are many women that love football as much as men (probably the same proportion of straight men who enjoy talking about periods and buying make-up), but it is still very much dominated by men for men. So was it really such a surprise to find that two of the main people involved in the broadcasting of football, think that women should 'know their limits' and talk about 'fluffy kittens'. Of course not. It's thanks to the morally outraged Daily Mail readers, who were brought up on a daily regime of racism, sexism and bad TV that find this behaviour despicable. 

Quick joke in keeping with the theme:
Q. What do you call a useful woman? 

A. A dead one. 


How funny is that. Ha HA HAAAAA HAAAA. What - you mean it's sexist? You don't find it funny? 

Well you'd be interested to know that on QI, Jo Brand said exactly that joke replacing the women part with men, and of course she got a big laugh. How is that possible? 

See - I've just done a To Kill A Mockingbird on you. Or for our younger readers A Time To Kill. Why is that acceptable in our society now, as long as men are being ridiculed? It's an interesting question. I'm not going to get all philosophical here, but really cements my earlier argument that women are the greater species and are actually in control. 

You can look around our TV schedules now to find programmes for women, aimed at women - ostracising men on a daily basis. Anything from Loose Women through to some fashion twonk. So ultimately the one time when men had a bit of a dig at women, stating that women don't know the offside rule (again in general terms this is indeed a fact. I barely understand it, and have tried to explain it to many women and failed). 

So to all you sexist bitches out there. Let us have our football and ironically claim how you should be 'doing the washing up' or 'ironing our clothes' whilst we cower in the corner waiting for the few hours on a Saturday when we can feel like MEN.