THE BLOG IS BACK!

Yes I know,  it's been a while. But I'm back. To spread the word of our lord Baby Jesus to you all and make you all BELIEVE... err sorry, let's start again shall we. 

I'm back. .... (silence)......(tumbleweed blows past)
Hello ... (hello... hello... echo .... )
Oh well, I care that the blog is back, even if no-one else does. 

So what's happened to Rev Food I hear you cry. Well after spending some time lounging and eating as we all do over the festive season, it's time to get cracking again. 

My diet has calmed down to a more normal level, I still love my bird seed and Alpen with rice milk (mmm you should try it), and have stayed away from the demon fizzy soft drinks and smoking. I've also started walking again. It's been too bloody cold to do any outdoor activities, but now it's nearly February it's time to get on with it again. 

So I hope that all the festive excesses have stopped and everyone has started thinking about how to get back onto the healthy regime. I'm always amazed how many people suddenly join gyms and go on intensive post-new year diets, all for it to fail miserably before the end of January. I mean January is such a horrible month to do anything so drastic. The days are short, the weather is horrible and generally everyone is in a grump, so why subject yourself to what is clearly torture? It makes much more sense to ease yourself in to a healthy regime and start building up exercise. The Spring is a much more sensible time to start and get things going. Now that the dreaded 'most miserable' day of the year is over, it's only going to get better from now. 

So you'll all be delighted to hear that Rev Food is back, looking down on all the fatties and 'tsking' and shaking his head in that 'I'm better than you way' that the Rev loves to do. Not really fatties, I love you really (no, actually I don't). 

When One was younger One was also a DICK

Talking in the 3rd person, that's actually one of my pet hates. Have you discovered this fairly recent phenomennonononon which seems to have sneaked up on us over the past few years into everyday language, since the start of The Apprentice. it's basically that annoying habit of people talking about themselves in the 3rd person. Anyone who does this is a DICK. Rev Food thinks that people who talk about themselves in the 3rd person are DICKS. So stop it now. This also goes for people who use the word 'One' at the beginning of a sentence. It doesn't make you sound big or clever, just more DICKISH. So if you are a DICK, then by all means carry-on,just don't be surprised why everyone hates you.

See - I bet you're glad that I'm back. It was nice to have a bit of a break, as in the last 2 months there's been a lot more things that I've found have annoyed me, so that the blog will have lots of new fresh targets to vent my spleen. 

New Year Resolutions are another pointless exercise in my book. Why bother? Come on - hands up who made these so called resolutions? See that's a lot of you. Now keep your hands up everyone who keeps these resolutions for the year. See - no-one, apart from that weird looking kid at the back - who I think has some deformity that means he can't lower his arm. So why do we do them? It's just another social conformity that we all feel the 'need' to be a part of. 

Don't get me wrong,  I have also spent many years also making these resolutions. I think the best one i made was: This year I will make an effort to be nicer to people. That one lasted about 3 hours. So come on people stop being sheep, wake up and smell the roses. Why do you need a particular date to tell you when to make a change? 

This brings me onto my final spleen venting for this blog day, Valentines Day. Probably the most pointless and idiotic day in the entire calendar. Even more pointless than St Swithin's Day. I will post more about this despicable creation nearer the time, as I feel it needs it's own blog write up. I'd like to think I'm a romantic, I love my wife and my family. I try and treat them all and show my love and appreciation for them on a regular basis. So WHY OH WHY do I have to send a friggin card and flowers on some day in February because the 'Man' tells me to. I think there's actually nothing sadder than seeing couples go out on a 'romantic' meal on Valentine's night to spend the entire meal sitting in silence, as they feel they should be making an effort, whist inwardly they hate themselves and everything their lives stand for. OK - I'm guessing the last bit. 

I feel I have so much more to say, but for now I think enough is enough. There's only so much steam that can come out of my ears in one sitting. I need a cup of Jasmine tea and a lie-down to calm myself.