I'm 1,000,000% Sure

Whether it's the Apprentice or X-Factor, advertising or some other news or random snippet, the world is currently full of totally and completely unnecessary over the top hyperbole. I think the rate we're going the world will soon EXPLODE under the weight of all this utter hyperbolic SHITE. Yes EXPLODE. See - that's one just there. 

Simply not good enough. TRY HARDER.

I blame 'The Sun', no, not the large glowing orangey yellow globe that keeps us alive. I'm referring to the trashy red top which is bought buy the white van man population. They started it, with all their ridiculous 'news' stories having text in BOLD to EMPHASISE the importance of the over the top nonsense they were spouting. When really it's no big shock to read that another footballer was having it away.


It's also spread into advertising and into every area of our lives, that we're now used to it. It's so prevalent that really each time someone is trying to say something, they have to make sure we fully understand they REALLY mean it. Hence the current wave of percentage overload. By this I mean that 100% is simply not enough anymore. We all know that giving 100% is ok, but it's not perfect. Especially when the minimum expectation is now 110%, or ideally 150%. 


So when I run or walk, I'm not giving it 100% effort, I'm making sure that I'm putting all my effort in and giving it at least 200%, but I fear that may not be enough. 


This hyperbole is disguising the verisimilitude (biggest word I know - FACT. It means 'truth of things' to save you looking it up) that is inherent in our everyday lives. We really don't need such exaggeration as life has enough of it as it is. One of the growing types of hyperbole, which is now superceding all the other types for me is what you find in your local supermarket. 


I'm a lot more aware of what I put into my body, and I don't even need to study all the small print labels of every single food. The reason is that so much is now put on the front in plain sight. For example - something which is FAT FREE, is usually full of sugar or asparatame to compensate. Or they love putting 90% FAT FREE. Which means it still contains 10% fat. It's the same trick that retailers have been using for years. How many times have you picked up something that's priced at £14.99 and gone - ooh that's quite cheap. Yet the same item next to it could be £15.03 and we'd be like - 'oh, that's quite pricey'. It's not a coincidence that so many products are priced with 99p at the end. 


So it's no coincidence that we now see such hyperbole as FAT FREE, LOW IN FAT, NO ADDED SUGAR, NATURAL FLAVOURING. If you actually think about all this nonsense, a lot of it doesn't make sense. When you go into your local Lidl (or Aldi if you're not quite as posh) and pick up an Apple. You're not looking for the big signs which say FAT FREE, NO ADDED SUGAR etc, because we all know that fruit is fruit. Yet when you then go to any other isle, there's literally 1000s of these little slogans and hyperbole which overwhelms us. A good example of this is when I was using up a tub of coleslaw in our fridge and it proudly stated 'LOW FAT, 'REDUCED SUGAR', 98% FAT FREE - but it had so much crap in it the label for ingredients took up most of the side of one tub. I don't understand it. Coleslaw is just carrot, cabbage, a bit of oniion and some dressing. So why does it need to have artificial sweetener and fructose and about 5 E numbers, amongst a lot of ingredients that didn't even sound like they were written in English. The mind boggles. 

NO ADDED SUGAR  AND NATURAL FLAVOURING ALLEGEDLY

I know that you probably think I'm some health freak who needs to get a grip, but when you actually look at things and see how ridiculous they sound you'll realise what I mean. It's all a cunning psychological trap to fool our brain into thinking what they're selling is actually good for us, and not full of hidden crap. If the front of the label told the truth, then we obviously wouldn't buy a lot of it. 


All kids love Cocoa Pops, but no sane adult would give their children heaped spoonfulls of sugar in the morning, yet quite happily let them have a bowl - even as a treat. It contains more than 30% sugar. Each little brown bit of rice is made of 30% sugar. Madness I tell thee. Would it sell so many if proudly on the front of the box there was a big splash saying 5 spoons of sugar in every bowl. Or GUARANTEED TO ROT YOUR TEETH AND MAKE YOU FAT.  

The double whammy of having a 9 at
at the end and using a cute monkey

I'm sure it won't be long before some products start proudly stating that they're 150% good for you. So I'll leave you in peace for now. But please don't be fooled by all these ridiculous claims. Set yourself free and see the advertising for what it really is 300% NONSENSE, I'm actually DEVASTATED by the cunning of all these brands. TOTALLY DEVASTATED. They've completely THROWN ME UNDER THE BUS, and I'm going to have to THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX from now on.