I can walk briskly, jog a slow pace, even trot and skip - but if I need to go any faster than slow jog - my rubbish co-ordination kicks in and I just end up flapping about, huffing and puffing until I realise that I can't actually run.
To give you an example, to get my proper walking/running shoes I went to a specialist shop where they test your running style, so that they can see what shoes you need. I was so inept at running, that I nearly fell off the running machine after 3 seconds. Fortunately the test only lasted for about 10 seconds, as any longer and I would have ended up arse over tit.
I'm hoping that as my fitness improves, I can magically turn into the Roadrunner and start running everywhere. But when I say that I run/walked 4 miles today, what I mean to say is that I walked briskly for most of it, and then attempted a bit of jogging and run for 30 second intervals before my legs and arms just asked my brain what the hell they were meant to be doing and stopped working.
During my walk, I was thinking about how faddy all this nutrition and exercise malarky is, I mean every year there's a new diet or new exercise, that we should be doing or new food that we should be eating. I feel sorry for Gillian McKeith, that wizened old crochety hunchback of a so-called nutritionist that was around a few years back. She was the sickest looking women on TV, yet was telling people you are what you eat. Well she obviously ate grit and gravel and drank horse piss then.
No-one liked her, did they? She was horrible. Who in their right mind thinks its ok to examine people’s poo. At what stage in your nutrition course do you ask the instructor ‘When do we start talking about poo?’. She loved the poo examining a bit too much. The one thing I always think is how do you get the poo in the Tupperware boxes? Do you have to squat on it and hope that something lands in it, or do you have to physically pick up your own poo and place it in the box.
Neither way seems particularly enticing; no wonder all the fatties she helped looked like they wanted to smack her very hard in the face, she’d just made them poo in a Tupperware box that they’d never be able to use again.
But now she’s resigned to the dole queue, and her and Michelle McManus can talk of their 10 minutes of fame together, let’s just hope that no-one decided to give her a programme again. I’m just hoping that that horrible creature Gok Wan is resigned to the TV dustbin very soon
too.
If you’re talking of bringing back old celebrities then Johnny Ball should be in the front of the queue. He was my idol,and if he’d presented ‘You Are What You Eat’ I would have listened, because he’d probably had made it into a funny maths problem, or giving you some interesting facts about fat people. He would have dressed up in a fat suit for larks, and no doubt had made all the science part fun and interesting. He would have said ‘Think of a number between 1 and 100, now times it by 20 - that’s how fat you are’. Johnny Ball would never have examined people’s poo.
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