Almost Famous

Today I played a game whilst walking, to pass the time. So for every person I walked past I would decide in my head what famous person they most look like. The results were rather disappointing:

• Jeremy Spake from Airport or something (A large man with a goatee and glasses)
• Krishnan Guru-Murthy (A quite fit looking Asian man with glasses walking his dog)
• The Dulux Dog (much as I tried I couldn’t get the owner to look like anyone, apart from perhaps Mary Whitehouse)
• Charlie Dimmock (A large ginger woman with a massive arse)
• Mr Pink, Mr White, Mr Brown & Mr Blue if they’d lived to be 100 (A group of old guys all wearing the same tracksuits walking their dogs)

So in a nutshell, if you’re looking for some lookalike action – do not come to Clayhall Park. Unless you want to meet an extremely sweaty Bernard Bresslaw lookalikey.

Except I don’t look like him at the moment. I know, strange as it may seem, but I have a heavy beard growth. I’m not growing a beard as such, just choosing not to shave. Which conveniently brings me onto the subject of facial hair. It does seem that the subject of facial hair elicits an either love it or hate it philosophy. I actually think my face with hair suits me. I’m fortunate that I can get a full growth and in the space of a couple of days, look like Bigfoot. I know not all men are so fortunate.

One thing that I never understand though is men who choose to grow a moustache. I don’t think anyone looks good with one. If you think about it, what exactly is the benefit of having a moustache? If you grow a full beard you don’t have to shave, if you grow a goatee then you’re doing it so that you can try and hide a double chin, or have people call you goatee wanker or such like.

But what are the benefits of a moustache? I can’t actually think of any. You still have to shave, and generally you look like you’ve got a dead caterpillar above your lip. And if you’re a proper idiot then you’ll go for the Seaman look and accessorise your moustache with a rat tail. Nice. I saw him recently on a World Cup show and he’s clean shaven with a short haircut and he looks younger than he did 15 years ago.

Anyone that can give me a benefit of having a moustache, please post a message, as I really would love to know. Do remember that moustaches can be grown by both sexes. There’s nothing funnier or more taboo than a ladytache. You’re not allowed to point, or laugh. The only option is to ignore it. I do wonder whether they’re actually proud of the amount of hair that can be grown above their top lip. It is quite impressive when you meet a woman with a more substantial growth than most teenage boys can manage.

I know that this is one of the last taboo subjects along with necrophilia and bestiality, that we’re not allowed to discuss, but I think it’s time to say that women with moustaches should be proud, that’s an impressive ladytache my friend. I’m very impressed. At least you’ll know what to buy them for xmas, Gillette razors are dirt cheap.